Horoscopes
Aries
(March 20 – April 19)
Rams need to lead the way, which means all the world will be checking out your footwear. And because you charge full – steam – ahead into life, stiletto heels are simply not an option. Many Arians admit to a lifelong obsession with men’s oxfords and vaguely militaristic styles while secretly coveting the skimpiest of pumps.
Taurus
(April 20 - May 20)
Earthy Bulls need to feel grounded, and what better way to accomplish that than with butter – smooth leather shoes? You need quality, you need contemporary styles that don’t scream “ fashion victim” and you need more now. When it comes to footwear you fancy, money’s no object. Quick, to the mall!
Gemini
(May 21 - June 20)
It’s no secret you need endless stimulation and variety in all areas of your life, and your shoe closet is no exception. Your feet must reflect your constantly changing moods and opinions, which is why you’d rather have fifty pairs of forty – dollar shoes than ten pairs of expensive ones.
Cancer
(June 21 - July 22)
Selecting shoes, like everything else in your life, is less about the hipness of a shoe than what kind of emotional response it elicits. Only Cancer girls could say that red makes you feel sexy, black makes you understand the very meaning of elegance, and straps can catapult you back in time to 1981.
Leo
(July 23 - August 22)
The Queen of the Jungle needs the finest footwear to shield her protective paws. And spending a bundle on a single pair of boots or sandals really does make you feel lionhearted. Bored silly with plain black pumps, you’re the answer to the question frequently asked by shoe amateurs: “ Who could get away with something this wild?”
Virgo
(August 23 - September 22)
If there’s one thing that gets your goat, it’s the automatic association of the phrase “sensible shoes” with your sign. Hel-lo! You’ve got some kick – ass cowboy boots and a pair of Kim Novak – esque stilettos right next to the Stride Rites. It’s your incredible sense of discrimination that people don’t appreciate.
Libra
(September 23 - October 23)
Right after romance and getting together with your twenty best girlfriends is buying new shoes. You can shop till the salesclerk drops! And lest others denigrate the talent, you’re quick to point out that it’s no small feat, so to speak, getting shoes to match every purse, bag, and clutch in your other closet.
Scorpio
(October 24 - November 22)
Like carefully planted symbols in a nineteenth – century class - struggle novel, shoes say a lot about people-even if you’re the only one who can pick up on all the nuances. That’s why you’ll try on half a dozen pairs with every outfit before you step out of the house. Pointy black boots have a very, very special place in your heart....
Sagittarius
(November 23 - December 21)
In your private universe, you worship Jerry Seinfeld and his hundred pairs of brand – new sneakers of every style and stripe. But your two “x” chromosomes could never actually permit such behaviour. Still, your sporty Archers put comfort over radical style, and “easily removed” is criterion number one.
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 19)
It’s only half true that your symbol, the climbing mountain goat, influences your footwear choices. The other half of your equation is your innate sense of style and high fashion, even if you have Chanel taste on a K – Mart budget. You’re happy with a few excellent pairs, in styles that last longer than a teenager’s attention span.
Aquarius
(January 20 - February 18)
Here’s where you live up to your eccentric reputation. From those bowling shoes in junior high to the shaggy – dog look of today, you’ve always dressed to a different drummer. There’s literally no such thing as “too weird,” whether that means vertigo – inducing outrageous fashion or flea - market chic.
Pisces
(February 19 - March 19)
Shoes are your obsession, the Rosetta stone of your secret fantasy life. You can pass by a rack of wildly coloured frocks or a counter laden with exotic beads, but you can’t walk by a shoe store. If a cop were about to write you a parking ticket at the exact same moment you noticed the most perfect pair of strappy sandals, you’d just calculate the cost of the ticket into the price of the shoes.